


Earlier

by curiouswildflower



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Genderfluid Character, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, Polyamorous Character, Sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-09 22:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12898245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiouswildflower/pseuds/curiouswildflower
Summary: A collection of ficlets exploring the characters of a longer piece to come later.(borrowing prompt words from the 2017 Klaine Advent Challenge)





	1. Example (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 2005

“It’s this concept of fluidity - so it’s all a construct anyway, right? and people who feel like they dont fall within that construct can express themselves however they find most comfortable. So for example, people might bind their chests or cut their hair or wear a different style of clothes or shave or not shave - there’s just so much middle ground and a whole community of people who exist in that middle ground - it’s like with bisexuality, it’s a whole spectrum of preference and expression.”

“That is fascinating, Alexander. I believe I am understanding.”

“I- you are, Laf. You are.”


	2. Health (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 2006

Alex flinches at Laf’s concerned question. Keeps their eyes on the trail of seasoning flecks their roasted potatoes leave as they push them around their plate.

“Washington said some shit to me.” Alex knows Laf’s eyebrows are raised without looking. “Told me he remembers turning 18. Told me I look older. More like a man. Then segued into asking me to be his reseach assistant again. It’s fucking weird, I hate when he does this.”

“It does not sound like a healthy relationship.”

“It isn’t a relationship.”

Laf hums, hooks his ankle with Alex’s. “I hope he knows that too.”


	3. Fraction (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 2006

Alexander shifts his scarf off his chin so Lafayette can hear him. “Okay, we’re looking for a present for John.”

“Yes. What do you want to get your John?”

 _Your John._ It isn’t as if John and Lafayette aren’t friends, but he appreciates the determiner all the same. The metal of the door handle is cold even through his gloves, and several employees shout their welcome as Alexander makes a bee-line for a table marked _Sale_.

“I saw him looking at- thank Jesus, this is a fraction of the price online-”

Lafayette leans against the counter next to Alexander, arms loosely crossed. Alexander rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“That is the most confidently you’ve ever shopped for anything.”

His blush is back, and Alexander can’t blame it on the cold air this time. Lafayette smiles and presses a kiss against Alexander’s temple as he takes the box to the cashier.


	4. Underline (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 2006

The scene: 3 am, early December. Back corner of the undergraduate library. Humming fluorescent lights, psychology textbooks neatly underlined and annotated.

The players: John Laurens. Alexander Hamilton.

The stakes: Answer for answer.

 

“Authoritative. My mom died when I was fourteen.”

“Secure-Insecure. My mom died when I was nine.”

“Occipital. I’m from the Caribbean.”

“Central Sulcus. My dad is the Republican senator from South Carolina and he fucking acts like it.”

“Amygdala. I lived through a hurricane.”

“The Id. I’m gay.”

“Sociocultural. I’m bi.”

“DBT. I would suck your dick if you asked me to.”

“Humanistic. How about a kiss first.”


	5. Attachment (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June 2007

Alex gasps as John shoves them against the door, hands grasping tight to his shoulders as John works a hand into their open jeans. Alex gasps into John’s demanding kiss, gasps as John’s fingers knead against their cock.

“Fuck, Alex, you look gorgeous.”

John tucks his face against their neck as he uses his free hand to keep their squirming hips pinned to the wall. Their own hands fist into John’s rain-damp hair, whining at the press of John’s fingers through the lace.

“How attached to these are you?” 

Alex laughs. “Buy me new ones and you can ruin these.”


	6. Zone (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 2007

Alex shouts as a hand fists rough in their hair, glancing up to see Laf stroke his palm much gentler across John’s curls. He reaches forward and flicks John’s textbook shut, which gets him a matching shout.

“You two are done.” Laf announces, sitting down on Alex’s lap. “I miss you, and I know you have studied enough.”

“We were in the zone, Laf.” Alex whines, hands instinctively settling on his waist and thighs to keep him from falling.

“Lost my place in the fucking book,” John grumbles, glaring when Laf places his hand on the cover to keep it shut.

“You two can go back to the zone after you come get dinner. I will pay, to reward your dedication to your studies.”

Alex sighs, leaning their forehead on Laf’s shoulder. “Alright.” Laf’s hand cards gentle through their hair.

John’s further protests are cut off by Laf’s lips on his temple. “John Laurens, what you will learn about me is that I get what I want. Time for dinner.”


	7. Judgement (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 2008

“Alex, wait a moment.”

Alexander pauses as he puts his books away, making eye-contact with Angelica and nodding for her to leave. He can hear her boots click as she walks away.

Washington’s voice comes from his side, closer than he expected. “Have you decided on a JD program?”

Alexander takes out his laptop, makes sure the zipper is secure. “Yes. Cornell.”

Washington stiffens. Alexander tries very hard not to imagine how Washington’s hands would feel pounding down on his hunched back.

“I see. Does one of your boyfriends go there?”

The judgement in his voice lands just as painfully.


	8. Collapse (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 2008

“D'you know January is the deadliest month of the year?”

“Yeah?”

“Some think it’s cause people survive the holiday and collapse. Give up.”

“January fucking sucks.”

“Fuck right off – my birthday’s in January.”

“You hate your birthday.”

“So do you.”

“That doesn’t – whatever.”

“September is the worst month anyway.”

“You just hate any reminder that summer is over.”

“Winter is the worst part about America and you know it.”

John holds up his beer in a toast. Alexander scrubs a hand over his mouth.

“Someday we won’t spend this day getting hammered.”

John’s self-deprecating judgement drips cold down Alexander’s spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had a harder time with this one. thanks to tomorrowsrain for the help. <3


	9. Drink (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 2008

“Trick or treat!” Alexander shouts, slapping his palm on the door before leaning against Laf’s body. 

John’s adorably disgruntled when he opens it. “Yes? Y’all look ridiculous.” 

Alexander grins and arches his back, shivers when Laf’s hands rub at his sides. “Invite us in?” 

John’s tired glare doesnt hide his fond smile. Only a few steps inside Alexander feels himself pushed back onto the couch, groaning as Laf’s weight settles above him. 

“I vont to drink your cock.” 

Alexander giggles at Laf’s mangled accent, giggles harder as John whines “That’s not - y’all have fucked here three times in two months-“


	10. Perform (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 2008

Alex shifts, spreads their feet further. Feels a little like a frog spread and pinned for dissection. Pulls their knees back together.

“Alex, you okay?” John’s hand warm on their belly, thumb stroking just under the lace of their top. “You dont have to perform for me, baby girl, I just wanted to know what you like.”

John’s hand shifts to catch their waist as Alex sits up suddenly, hands scrabbling at the elastic. John’s voice hushing them gently, murmuring praise and helping them out of the bra. Alex throws it across the room, heart pounding pounding.

John’s mouth warm on their shoulder. Fingers push through their loose hair. “Hey- it’s okay, Alex. I love you.” 

Alex leans into him. 


	11. Bucket (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 2009

Alexander’s whole bedroom is scattered with disgusting containers filled with disgusting contents.

The bottle of cough syrup on his nightstand: disgusting.

The cup of cold tea with honey: disgusting.

The bucket on the floor filled with potential-future-vomit: disgusting.

Alexander, laying curled under his covers filled with nightmares and headaches and a stomach trying to punch its way out of his esophagus every couple of hours: disgusting.

“Alexander?” John asks at his whimper. Alexander feels his weight shift on the bed, feels a gentle hand against his arm. “Are you awake?”

“Unfortunately.”

John doesn’t laugh, and Alexander loves him for it.


	12. Nose (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April 2009

Alex tries not to squirm under John’s careful gaze. He’s hovering over them, fingertips trailing lightly down their arms. Alex shudders, tucks their face into their arm. John’s hands re-grip tighter to their pinned wrists, lips soft against their cheek.

“I used to think you had a piercing.”

Alex laughs, feels a blush spread across their cheeks as John lips land light on their nose. “Right here. This mole’s the perfect place for one.”

“Yeah? Think I’d look good with one?”

John leans back, far enough Alex can see the honest smile on his face. “You’d look beautiful, baby girl.”


	13. Inch (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 2009

Alex gasps, coughs when their breath catches in their throat, gasps again. The sheets slide under their forearms as they arch farther. John follows, sinking the toy in another inch. Endlessly deeper. Alex’s head spins. They’d be floating away without John’s constant murmur of _My dear, look at you_ and _That’s it, baby girl_ and similar praise dancing light across their back.

“Turn over, let me help-“

Alex follows the hand on their waist. Once rolled, John’s hand moves to coax their thighs back open and the shift of the toy sets sparks across Alex’s belly where John’s hand rests.


	14. Limited (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 2009

_Alex_  
tell us what you want from subway 

_John_  
anything 

_Alex_  
dont fuckin do this to me im not pickin your sandwich 

_John_  
theres a limited number of options alex just pick something 

_Alex_  
youre getting the worst possible sandwich i can make 

_John_  
im not worried 

_Alex_  
youre getting the worst possible sandwich laf can make 

_John_  
thats more concerning 

_Alex_  
then tell us your fucking order its almost our turn 

_John_  
sandwich of the day w everything 

_Alex_  
coulda told me that 8 years ago 

_John_  
xxx 

_Alex_  
youre getting pickle chips 

_John_  
:( 

_Alex_  
no jk im not kissing you after pickle chips 

_John_  
<3 

_Alex_  
<3 asshole 


	15. Genuine (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 2009

Within months of their first meeting, John swallows his accent. Years later Alexander really only notices it leaking out in words like his ever-present _y’all_.

Once, after dinner, John answers his phone with a quiet _”Minnie?”_ and Alexander waits until he sees John’s brow smooth from its confused crinkle before kissing his head and taking his work into the bedroom. Alexander puts on headphones to avoid the temptation to eavesdrop, and is rewarded by a story an hour later - just as attentive to the content of the words as the slow, unfamiliar drawl of them.

He pays more attention to Lafayette’s accent the next day when they meet for lunch - listening to it heavy when he orders and light in their conversation. Listens to his own accent, most noticeable in his French. Wonders if Lafayette can hear it. Wonders if he should try to learn Lafayette’s, or keep his genuine.


	16. Year (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 2011

“It’s been five years. I didnt know - with Laf and - I didnt know if you’d-“

“John,” His hair is soft under Alexander’s soothing hands. John ducks his head, sucks his lip into his mouth to chew on it.

Alexander cups his head - fingers on his neck, thumbs on his cheeks. He coaxes his face up, meets his stormy eyes.

“I love you, my dear. Let’s make a weekend of it.”


	17. Orgy (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 2012

“I cant believe - holy shit, John - this is - _fuck_ -“

John hushes him, tracing his fingers gently along Alexander’s jaw before sinking them into his mouth, mirroring the two already inside his ass. John presses down on his tongue as he presses on his prostate and Alex gasps and arches, feet shifting on the sheets. His ponytail digs into John’s shoulder as he twists his head.

He whines when Laf’s hands trace up his bare chest, thumbing at his nipples. “We are so glad you are happy with your gift, _leon_. An orgy for your 25th.”

Alexander whines as John’s fingers slip out of his mouth. “Not quite, Laf,” John says, voice conversational over Alexander’s whimpering at the continued assault on his prostate. John holds up his fingers, still shiny with Alexander’s spit, to illustrate as he explains “Threesome, foursome, orgy.”

Laf hums and leans forward to kiss John’s smiling mouth over Alexander’s shoulder. “Thank you, dear.” 

Alexander pants against their chins as Laf murmurs, “Perhaps a proper orgy next year?”


	18. Width (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 2012 (immediately following the events of Orgy)

They shift around him, hands warm on his skin. Laf settles where John was, width of his chest steady against Alexander’s back. Alexander groans when he hears the snap of the lube, feels Laf’s breath hot on his neck.

“Laf and I got tested together last weekend,” John says, laying out on the bed and kissing lightly up Alexander’s thigh. “You want him? Ready for him?”

“Yes,” he hears himself groan “Yes yes fuck yes -“

John takes the head of his cock into his mouth as Laf starts to push inside and Alexander cant control the volume of his shout.


	19. Variation (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> July 2012

Alex puts the last box in their bedroom, plops onto the mattress on the floor. John grunts from the living room right before they hear a soft thud. He appears in the door, sweat stained and out of breath, retying his ponytail.

“It’s a nice place. Feels like a variation of Laf’s place from grad.”

Alex nods, glancing around the room and catching their appearance in the mirrored closet doors. They dont bother fixing their messy braid.

The mattress dips when John sits next to them. “Hey. I’ll be over so often you’ll have to charge me rent. And you’ll like the shorter commute, I promise.” 

Alex nods again. John’s hand is soft on their jaw, his mouth soft against theirs. “I’ll stay tonight. Let’s get pizza and christen the place.” 

Alex returns the kiss, squeezes John’s wrist. “Sounds great.” 

John stands, Alex holds on. “I love you.”

John smiles, presses his thumb against their mouth. “I love you too.”


	20. Raw (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 2015

Alexander moves in blurred whirls until moments of sudden clarity, like the jerky fast forwarding of a VHS. He doesnt do much other than breathe during his flight - he comes to with a start when the stewardess asks if he wants a drink. Loses the edges of his vision until he’s standing at a baggage carousel, Aaron’s hand on his shoulder gently asking what his suitcase looks like. The high schools and apartments of the suburbs are unfamiliar outside the window of the train until they reach the city. By the time he’s being let into Aaron’s apartment, he’s forgotten which city he’s in.

“Please,” he whispers, flinches when he hears a loud thud against the wall. Cool fingers on his wrist - has someone finally come to punish him? It could be anyone, it could be-

“Alexander,” Aaron’s voice is as soft as his hands, the other now cupping Alexander’s neck under his messy hair. “It’s alright. Let’s go to sleep.”

Alexander gasps, harsh out of his raw throat, and is pulled against Aaron’s shoulder as his knees start to give out. Alexander digs his fingers into Aaron’s soft sweater, hears Aaron make a gentle hushing sound, and finally cries.


	21. Talk (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 2015

_Alexander Hamilton is thus far refusing to make a statement about-_

_While typically verbose, Alexander Hamilton has not yet-_

_“Alex, if you’d just talked to me - about any of this!”_

Tight grip on his shoulder, gasping gasping gasping - dark face in his periphery, James Reynolds coming to kill him John coming to take what’s his Lafayette coming to punish him, make him cry - gasping -

“Alexander?” _Aaron_ ,the stern voice is Aaron, Alexander would weep with relief if only he could _breathe_ -

“Alexander, you dont have to talk about anything. It’s Aaron. Youre in Aaron’s apartment. You know very well no one here has to do anything they dont want to do, but I would like if you breathed.”

As soon as the gasping shifts towards useful breathing Alexander collapses into sobs. The hand on his shoulder turns him, tucks him into Aaron’s neck.

“Okay. Good job. Thank you. Just breathe.”


	22. Stir (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 2015

“Alexander,” Aaron chides as he places his hand over Alexander’s on the mixing bowl and spoon. “I said fold it in, not stir. When I give you an order I expect it to be followed precisely.”

Alexander feels a smirk form on his face, eyebrow raised. Aaron looks carefully at the bowl as he demonstrates how to manipulate the batter Alexander is preparing, and when he catches Alexander’s look he rolls his eyes in that way when he’s pretending to be exasperated.

Alexander laughs and takes the bowl back, carefully executing the folding just how Aaron wanted. He receives a hand on his neck and a “Good boy” murmured against his jaw as Aaron moves past to the stove.

It feels so good to be light, again, even if just here in Aaron’s kitchen. To recieve praise. To be good.


	23. Mist (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 2015

Even with little to do Alexander cant shake his rocky sleep schedule. He climbs into bed when Aaron does and watches lights move across the brick of the neighboring building as he convinces his brain to wind down. The first time Aaron sleeps in Alexander finds himself watching him sleep. As his thoughts begin to whirl and spin and spin again Alexander tries to focus through unexpectedly teary eyes. Sees the sunrise across Aaron’s dark forehead, the mister for his plants, his carefully tucked away ironing board.

Alexander doesnt belong here - cant imagine why Aaron let him-

A sleep-warm hand against his neck, thumb on his Adam’s apple. Aaron’s voice is rough. “You stopped breathing.”

Alexander doesnt realize he’s making noise until Aaron shushes him, draws him against his chest.


	24. Key (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 2015

Alexander faintly remembers getting a little wind-up frog on Epiphany one year. Remembers laying on the floor watching it go - hopping hopping, motor whirring. James would always snatch it up and crank it more before it had run out, starting it hopping all over again while Alexander giggled.

He’s significantly less delighted to be the toy itself, going going without a moment’s rest. Finding an apartment, arranging how to move his belongings, applying for jobs. He cant stop or he wont do it - cant stop or he’ll break under the weight of John’s heartbreak, the weight of his own shame.

This is the right path for him. It has to be.

The first time he starts to believe it he’s knocking on Aaron’s door armed with a bottle of wine, a new key in his pocket, and three hundred pages to read before his first students show up next semester.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <3


End file.
